I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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