I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was confusing and full of hummus
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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