So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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