You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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