Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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