Umm I'm too high to move.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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