dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sorry about my life...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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