according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
