I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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