You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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