So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
