im drinking this country out of the recession.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
