I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just found out that she named her cat after me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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