Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
