i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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