i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
