Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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