You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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