the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
