Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You work out of a Hotel?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
