I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
