hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
