I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
