i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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