I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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