I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
