pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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