So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
