insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When are your genitals available?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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