Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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