I think im going to throw up on grandma
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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