so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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