well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
