I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Mom said you looked used
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
