Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
