Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
