I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
