it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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