did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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