How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
