My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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