with your own penis?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This house was built for laser tag.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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