My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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