taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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