If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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