dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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