Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
