If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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