Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
