Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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