I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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