She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
