So drunk its hurt
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
