I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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