I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
