we're chasing vodka with high fives
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
