So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
