I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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