Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
