where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
