as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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