u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
